Nerd Mobile
Or, 10+ hours of my week
The bus is annoying, wah wah, and so on and so on. Commuting sucks and there's nothing new to say about that. But yesterday I had an epiphany. It's only about 10% of the my fellow riders that can ruin the whole experience for me. Kind of like in life. Except the culprits in this scenario aren't always as easy to spot as in every day life. There are no live strong bracelets or flavor savors to tip you off. Except for the dicks wearing shorts in November. Just like in non bus world, you can spot their pasty asses a mile away. But anyone can be a bad bus rider.
For the most part, suburban commuters have a leg up on city commuters in the areas of hygiene, non jibberish speaking, and holding in their vomit. In a million other categories...a staggering lack of common sense.
The number one thing a bus rider needs to learn is the informal line formation at a stop. You don't go straight to the "front", where the bus door normally stops. You have to assume that whoever is there before you chased the previous bus, brushing fingers with the back panel, missing it by inches, tears being washed away by rain and exhaust. Because it probably happened. GIve some space. Don't make direct eye contact. Double door busses make things more complicated. The back door is only opened about 30-40% of the time. If you decide you're going to risk it, hold steady. If double door action wasn't in the cards, you do NOT try to rush to the other door in front of the non gamesters! For shame. Slowly walk to the front with your tail between your legs and spend the next hour standin'. And above all else, do not break all aforementioned rules at once by running around the corner last minute AND cutting off a back door gambling badass whose bet had finally paid off, stealing the very last seat . It's not even the 70 minutes of standing on pale face developer's feet that I minded, Cheater Seatstealer. I couldn't read because I was too busy trying not to fall over and now I'm a little stupider, all because you don't know the rules.
If you can sleep on the bus, more power to you. There are two simple things to remember. First, nasal discharges (vocal and liquid) should be kept at a minimum. The second and far more important, is you must have a head rest; absolutely anything excluding your neighbor. The sleeping head bob/jerk is a very selfish move. Your flailing and desperate grasp at sleep, despite the uncomfortable consequences, is distressing and distracting. But even worse…it's an inescapable reminder to the rest of us just how rad-as-shit sleep actually is, and how fluffy and inviting it can be, and how soft...and pillowy...and shhhhh...OHMYGODTHEBRAKES. Look what you did you little jerk.
Nobody gives their seats up for old ladies anymore. Dudes love talking about programming and peeking to see if you're listening and thinking they're smart …when you're not, and they're not (asp.net don't impress nooobody anymore, boys). There are trench coats a plenty. Regulars become characters. Fat Jack Black, Wheezy Ron Howard, and Serial Killeresque Lil Guy that paces and eternally wears winter gloves even in summer, whom in my head goes by "Jr.". An overwhelming majorirty of riders listen to 'Da Rude' too loud on their Zunes. I guess SciFi novels smell better than KFC and Big Bear.

























