I woke up yesterday (a Saturday) thinking "it might as well be Sunday night already", and it occurred to me that I'm coming up on my 2-years-out-of-college mark. I'm alive; reporting from the grey area that is beyond the point of any life planning I'd made. All I really remember about college graduation is that I was wearing shoes designed by Carlos Santana and that it was pouring rain. Likewise, all I really remember about college is a lot of Bill Cosby episodes and going to Jack In The Box thrice a day. Here are some lessons learned from my attempt to gain fruitful knowledge over the last two years.

Top 10 Takeaways

  1. Q3 progress recap meetings are kind of like Econ 200 sections...except the person leading it speaks english. And you actually have to show up.
  2. There is a natural progression of relating to friends who haven't graduated yet. First, you talk down hardcore like you know everything (way fun). Next, you talk down and kind of actually know what you're talking about, but it's laced with jealousy. Then you realize you don't have any friends left in school. Lastly, you want to go back to school.
  3. Inner office IM is to work, as drawing penises on each other's notes is to lecture.
  4. In a room with less than 350 people, someone is far more likely to notice you eating a rice crispy square and a strawberry soda for breakfast. But apparently eating cereal for breakfast isn't limited to college. Oops.
  5. Mise en scéne and other such valuable things you learned by taking THREE film making classes are pretty worthless when you have a 19 inch TV and no cable.
  6. When at work social situations it's best to pretend your domestic beer selection is based on irony, rather than lack of funding. The same could be applied to your lack of automobile, amenities, and good cheer.
  7. The sooner you get out of your college neighborhood, the better. Or instead, sublet a room for three months in the worst part of said neighborhood. And share it with someone. And fit 2 full size beds wall to wall with 3 inches to spare. If you do go the Bed City route, don't wait until the day before you're kicked out to sign your next lease.
  8. Finely tuned Beer Pong skills grow rusty, fall to the wayside, and I presume eventually just crawl under the porch to die.
  9. Hump Day now means something entirely different. Unfortunately, you'll look forward to the new version just as much. Maybe more. And Fridays are on par with National Holidays. Every Friday.
  10. Presumably, after 2 years one should have learned about 401(k) plans and IRA options. I have chosen to take the road less traveled and pretend they don't exist. Shrug.
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