I was oblivious to it in childhood, but my mum was and is very low maintenance in the ways of the woman. She wore basic makeup, shaved her legs, owned a few pieces of modest jewelry to be worn when appropriate, and called it a day. She did not subscribe to any sort of spa-esque lifestyle, and I suspect was entirely unaware of its existence. The beauty knowledge carefully imparted to me consisted of Great Lash Mascara (shade: brownish black) and shaving with a bar of soap. It should be noted that I couldn't be happier about this.

The one thing that DID totally befuddle me was seeing her pluck her eyebrows. Somewhat out of character, she owned a Clairol True-To-Light VII magnifying mirror. It captured my heart immediately. With options of sliding lighting tints (day, office, evening, home), the contraption was all things womanly and technological. I still didn't understand why the fuck classy, capable women would rip live hairs out of their face, but that was trivial in the shadow of the lady-robot-toy.

Somewhere in the last few years, this now faded and jimmy rigged wonder found its way to me. I've arrived. I'm a woman. I have different lightning needs. My face is seen in an office, my face is seen in the evening. And I'm ready.

Once a week or so (alright, every tuesday after I shower but before I watch an episode of Deadwood in bed) I plug this bastard in and pluck away. Basically, the point I initially wanted to make is that looking at your own face that close up is terrifying. Period. It's impossible to get in, get the brows, and get out. The first few minutes are for minor things; trying not to freak out that at this distance you're positive you have a mustache, then realizing the ginormous pores on your nose probably divert attention from said stache. But pretty soon you're staring. And staring. Poking, proding, and staring. Seeing how long you can "look yourself in the eye". Wondering if you could see your actual soul by staring at one spot close enough and long enough. Contemplating the connection between this epidermis and all things. Here's my face in the evening light, here's my face in the metaphysical-transcendental-coreofmybeingandselfandlife light. Magnified zits look gross in both.

mirror + magnifying glass = scrrrrry