tv shows

Cable TV...I missed you. The 56 weeks we spent apart were stupid. I didn't mean it. Thank you for taking me back. Thank you for DVR. Thank you for HBO.

ESPN classic plays an episode of American Gladiators every day. Contrary to what 24Hour Fitness would have you believe, there ARE other things to watch at 7:30PM besides Will & Grace (thankyouchrist). Great other things, in fact. Things that make you feel like a super genius. Yes, I'm talking to you, Kids Week on Jeopardy!.

Aunt Jackie is still the queen of my sitcom heart (and unfortunately still my ultimate and inescapable destiny). 30 Rock IS good! There are so many free movies on On Demand, I can't get through more than 20 minutes of one before deciding I need to see something else more.

SOAPnet plays crapcaked, later series, 'Annnnnnnnnndrea has a baby with boring Jesse and Valerie has a mushroom haircut and why does that guy have a guitar' episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 all week long. But...they also play at least three episodes from early season 2 every weekend! Sarah Silverman tries a little too hard, but gets some chuckles and DID name her fictitious town "Value Village". He-Man is on in the mornings.

I never really realized I was a Food Network watcher, until I heard the sweet, sweet sound of Paula Deen's voice again. If I choose to go the domestic route, she = Messiah. Butterbutterbutter. Gale Gand's Sweet Dreams is delightful, Sandra Lee's boobs are distractingly gigantic, and Ina Garten's show is awkwardly centered on the culinary pleasing of her husband. She's uncomfortably accommodating (IE they don't have kids because he never told her you can't get pregnant that way). I can't believe I just googled her hoping she didn't have kids, just so I could write that. Hello, Hell. I'll keep my thoughts on Rachel Ray to myself for the benefit of both you and I.

Plenty o' pleasures new and old; Lifetime made for TV movies, Nova, The Dog Whisperer. Project Runway Starts soon! How did I live without New Yankee Workshop? Old episodes of game shows long gone like Double Dare and Legends of the Hidden Temple. Remember Mark Summers? Embracing the crazy rules.

I haven't watched Gossip Girl, but anything that inspires this is okay in my book.

In closing: You always think the new Real Sex special is going to be rad. It's not. Middle aged fetishes. Pasty cellulite. Run.