9:28 PM. Me, Whiskey and Fresca, and Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. Ready….go!

  • 4:16 - Don't ever have 5 kids. Seriously.
  • 6:22 - Smoking a cigarette on a lounge chair in front of her mom automatically makes 17 year old Christina Applegate seem way older than me.
  • 8:33 - The only good place to keep your pizza crusts is a constantly rotating turntable.
  • 10:54 - Kenny running up the stairs, slowing, panting, and barely making it to the top is pure poetry. And my adolescence in a nutshell.
  • 14:02 - Cause and effect states that if you leave your dead babysitter in a trunk outside of a mortuary, you will receive a beautiful vintage Buick.
  • 17:19 - Flipping a Mamma Celeste frozen pizza should be life's primary decision maker.
  • 22:08 - If I get laid off, I should remember enthusiastically circling the classifieds must be done in red sharpie.
  • 23:26 - JESUS, I NEED A BRIEFCASE.
    • rose!
  • 24:23 - Enter Rose. Her unnecessarily convoluted and too fast explanation of the company's process and workings is far less intimidating than it seemed when I was younger. Crap.
  • 26:26 - When introducing your male coworkers to others, always close with "and he serves me breakfast in bed".
  • 27:20 - The "I'm right on top of that, Rose!" instruction concisely sums up that bullshit is universal.
  • 28:45 - Karma overrides cause and effect when the aforementioned Buick is stolen by drag queens. Fate has a sense of humor and an adam's apple.
  • 33:40 - You haven't really made it until you're wearing a bejeweled gecko broach.
  • 37:52 - David Duchovny with slicked back hair and shoulder pads saying "gidget"? Sure.
  • 42:36 - Getting a corgi stoned is not socially responsible.
  • 43:46 - Good dates = KELP FIGHT ON THE BEACH!!!
  • 45:17 - I used to think Brian was both unattractive and nerdy as hell. Now he comes off as sensitive, insightful and secure. Double crap.
  • 49:03 - Gus informs us that "a woman gets older. She ripens. She matures. Juices start flowing". Oh, okay. Wait. What? P.S. I think I have those earrings.
  • 51:46 - Rose: "You know how they are. Little boys pretending to be men". Aha!
  • 52:07 - OMG, she has one of those screen dividers to change clothes behind!! And it's art deco!!!
  • 52:26 - Rose's advice to put cucumber slices on your eyes still resonates as one of the greatest rites of ladyhood.
  • 52:53 - Even better dates = store hijinx set to the best song ever made.
  • 54:45 - When orchestrating a complex web of lies, saying "I just don't want you to know, okay?" doesn't cut it.
  • 57:46 - Holyshit, I think Sue Ellen's shoulder pads are wearing shoulder pads.

*INTERMISSION* Had to take out the DVD and clean what looks like both food and liquid off the disc. Running low on fresca. Looks like it's just you and me, Maker's.

  • 57:34 - The derogatory name "quizoid" should be used in heavy rotation. So should the more amorous "stud horse".
  • 1:01:08 - Redheaded Rose actually looks lovely in red hues. She just asked Sue Ellen if she ever had a 48 hour orgasm…nbd. "I'm glowing! The man makes me glow, am I glowing?". Being lame can be awesome. So can wearing a somehow french braided topsy tail.
  • 1:18 (This is where the time/minutes gets really off and confusing, I stopped trying to figure it out) - The only way ordering a complete home entertainment system with stolen money to be delivered can be cooler, is to answer the door in a pop art dinosaur shirt.
  • 1:31:03 - Gus makes it abundantly clear that sexual harassment wasn't just a myth to make PSAs about in 1991. Wait. 91?! Checked the box. 1991. I thought I was like 13 when this came out. I was 8?! Ohchrist. HBO = 5,435. Sarah's Innocence = 0.
  • 1:41:05 - Walt falling off the roof is comparable to Goose dying in Top Gun; I just want to fast forward.
  • 1:51:10 - Even though Zach bought his moon godess a "zsa zsa diamond ring", there's no way he's straight.
  • 1:60:21 - I think I have those earrings too.
  • 1:71:41 - Offering your home for a corporate fashion show instead of a real venue is not professional and it's borderline creepy.
    • rose!
  • 1:71:55 - It's all coming together!!! Teamwork!
  • 1:71:65 - Fashion sketching montages are the soul's oxygen.
  • 1:71:40 - Couches need whisking.
  • 1:81:22 - Rose looks surprisingly good in a mustard colored sleeve monster.
  • 1:81:24 - Unwanted sexual advances are best extinguished via squirt gun.
  • 1:81:28 - Rose accepts her skeezy lover's poor behavior with a grain of salt because the show must go on and because that's what a badass would do.
  • 1:81:29 - Your friends will always agree to be in a fashion show, without asking any questions. The referee wins, she can kick so high!
  • 1:91:22 - Uh oh, MOM'S HOME! They must not have mirrors in Australia. Time to come clean and be absolved!
  • 1:91:24 - David Duchovny has a half up ponytail! I can't stop using exclamations!
  • 1:91:27 - Rose supports a 17 year old over her Boner BF and scheming employees, because she's yoda wise. And she has a convertible. Of course.
  • 1:91:29 - Kenny got his shit together! Sue Ellen got to tell her mom to go to her room! Zach met a new nymphet with his "I'm Maitre D" line! Amazing things happen when little old ladies die!

I'm not going to lie, my notes towards the end get sloppy, less frequent, and less insightful because I got distracted and started playing bejeweled. Because I have the attention span of a child.