Have You Ever

Have you ever been scooting home late at night when you pass a girl stopped at an intersection, also on a scooter? Then you realize that she's riding a black scooter and wearing a black and white plaid jacket, meanwhile you are riding a red scooter and wearing a red and black plaid jacket? Have you then noticed she pulls out from the intersection and proceeds to scoot behind you along your same course home, through a combination of multiple twists and turns, thus convincing you that she's some sort of sociopath upset with your striking similarities and hell bent on doing you harm to ensure her dominance in the scooter-jacket-matching realm? And then you force yourself to giggle for being so silly? But then you let out a little pee when the angel of death on a black scooter is still following you after you take an overly complex, fake out turn around City Market? And you curse your cheap plaid jacket from tween mail order Delia's; you simply cannot believe that your inability to buy real coats like real women from real stores like Banana Republic or Club Monaco or some shit is going to be the reason behind your inescapable dismemberment and demise? And then all of a sudden she turns right down a side street and disappears, going to her happy home that happens to be near your apartment? You've totally done this, yeah? You have?! Oh, whew!